For one of my classes, we have been reading
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Yesterday in class we had a discussion about the book, talking about various aspects of it and thinking about the important points.
One of the last questions we discussed was "what is the meaning in your life?" I'm sure everyone can answer this question without too much trouble. But as I sat in class and listened to some of the answers, I started wondering. In his book, Frankl discusses the things that make us want to keep going through the hard times, the things that are most important and make life worth living. For the people in his concentration camp who literally had nothing left but their own bodies, sometimes this was simply a memory of someone (who was most likely dead), or a single hope for the future (although they were unlikely to have one, since they would probably die before they were liberated). For others it was related to their work and jobs. It could even be a material thing, like a home or car. But the people who were liberated found that, once they were ready to return to their 'old lives,' they no longer existed. The people they had loved were dead, their possessions gone. So much of what had given them hope for the future wasn't there anymore. Imagine realizing that. What would you do then? It would be so shocking to find that what had given you a reason for living for so long, what staved off death, wasn't there. You would have to start completely over.
This brought up the idea that you shouldn't stock all of the meaning in your life in one thing. This seems strange, but if you put all of yourself into one thing you will be devastated to lose it. I don't think this means that you shouldn't love someone with all of your heart, or work really hard for a single important goal. I just think it means to find meaning in many parts of your life.
By the end of class, I was really thinking, "Where do I find meaning in my life?" This was on my mind for much of the day. What in my life is so important to me that it actually creates a reason for me to live from day to day? What makes it worthwhile? For me, it is really people more than anything else. My husband, my family, my friends--they are all more vital to me than anything else I can think of. But beyond that, it has been a little tough to decide what really, really matters.
I do have goals, but many of them seem flimsy to me right now as I think about them. For instance, I want to be a writer, but who knows if that will pan out the way I dream it will. I've worked long and hard for my English degree, but other than a piece of paper I don't know what it will get me. I haven't found complete fulfillment in many areas of life, and I honestly don't know how. What do I want to do for a career? How far do I want to go in school? I have glimpses of ideas and crazy dreams, but when it comes down to it what am I actually passionate enough about to go through with it and actually reap the benefits?
I think that this epiphany has led me to realize that, in some ways, I have been living a life rather void of direction for a very long time. I mean, generally I know what I want, but I don't have goals. Real, possible, realistic goals. Dreams and hopes are not enough. I need to act instead of follow little streams of inspiration here or there that eventually taper off into nothing.
I'm not trying to discount the things I do have, like my friends and family, and above all my awesome husband. Together we have goals for the future, like plans for our life (his teaching job, our kids, buying a home, etc). But as far as goals for my personal fulfillment go, there's not much. Does that make sense? It sounds selfish, but everyone needs to be sometimes, about things like this. The question is, what do I want to get out of life, and what can I, personally, put into it to make it the best it can be?
The first thing that comes to mind is to really get into my writing. I want this, I just haven't been taking it seriously enough. I need to write a novel, and try to publish it. That's a goal for me...it has been for a while, but now I think it is really important for me to do it--to find more worth within myself, and meaning. Maybe, through this, I can find my true life's calling.
I also think I should try to learn new things. I am always afraid of taking risks and failing at things, but life is too short to think that way anymore. I could learn a musical instrument or work on a new talent. I could take a completely random class next semester just to see if I'd like it (like business or astronomy). I could try something I've always been afraid to do.
I know I won't do most of those things, but lately I have been desiring to add meaning to my existence. It just seems so vital right now.
If you have been reading this, feel free to comment and answer the question, "Where do you find meaning in your life?" I am truly interested to see what you have to say.
The falls.
Some guy offered to take our picture.
Me, crossing the water carefully.
Us!
Dave, posing in this cool cage-like bridge thing that was just there, who knows why.
If you look carefully, you can see a building up there on the mountain!
Us, walking down the trail.
Some water at the park.
(Jenny, me, Dave, Dan, Steph, and Mike. Dave has a different costume on here than he wore on Halloween. He made an awesome zombie-type mask out of papier maché.)
And here I am again with my costume at Mike and Jamie's party.
(our pumpkins. The one on the left is Dave's. It's the King of Town from Homestarrunner.com. The one on the right is...well, a kittycat, and it's mine.)
Hello. Halloween may not be until this Wednesday, but we've been getting into gear for the holiday this week. Over the weekend we went to a party that was thrown by Mike and Jamie, celebrating both Halloween and their son's first birthday. I appreciated it because it gave me an excuse to go out and buy a costume, even if it was just a simple one. Plus, it was a fun party. We (Dave and I) don't really throw parties very often. I'm not good with that kind of thing, but Jamie and Mike did an awesome job and it almost makes me want to try it :)
(these ones aren't so great because of the flash, but this camera takes amazing pictures!)
